Time Wasting 101

My children could teach a college level course entitled "Wasting Time 101". I find it truly amazing that the simplest task can take ten times longer than it should. Bedtime is when their true expertise shines. It goes something like this "guys, head upstairs and start getting ready for bed". That begins the "I'm going first" argument. Not to be confused with the "I'm going last" argument that used to be the main bedtime argument. I'm not exactly sure when the flip flop occurred, but I'm guessing someone realized the last man standing wasn't guaranteed hot water. Unless I step in and choose who is going first the argument will continue for a good 20 minutes with nobody doing anything remotely related to getting ready for bed. The actual showers are another problem altogether. I don't understand how such small people can take take such long showers. I sort of get Reid. He's never done anthing quick. I've always called him my "stop and smell the roses" kid. He sings in the shower, he remembers jokes that he has to call out while he's in there. Pretty much anything and everything except shower. I do my best thinking while I'm in the shower, so I get it, but his brothers have picked up on this luxuriating and have started doing the same. Sean still needs me to help him out while he's showering, so the shampooing and soaping go pretty quickly, but he like to hang out and rinse slowly.

Ideally, while one child is in the shower the other two should be getting their teeth flossed, brushed and floride rinsed. Ideally. This rarely happens. What generally happens is toys get dragged out, or that's when someone decides he must straighten his closet, but usually a good old fashioned wrestling match ensues. Which always leads to someone getting hurt. I don't expect them to be obedient little robots, but I don't think it's too much to ask that they stop fooling around. I give them lots of playtime throughout the day, so knock it off for heaven's sake.

Getting shoes on is another issue in our house. The shoes sit by the side door so they can get them on and walk out to the breezeway which will then take them to the garage or outside depending on what we're doing. I can't tell you how many times during the school year I say to one or all of my boys "It's going to be sad if you miss the bus because you were fooling around with your shoes." I don't get it. They sit down on the floor and it's like time stands still. They start talking, usually about something inane such as Star Wars or the latest video game, the talk turns to laughter or arguments. It doesn't matter, they are completely incapable of multi-tasking. If they are talking they aren't getting their shoes on. They are just sitting there. It's absolutely maddening. So I end up yelling at them to hurry up. My latest phrase, which I use too often and always through gritted teeth is, "While I'm still alive, please". "TODAY!" is another favorite.

I am truly exasperated. No matter the task, they manage to drag it out. Washing hands for dinner, at least 10 minutes. Getting out of the car and into the house, 10 minutes, though one will come in, kick off his shoes so that he can't find them later and leave the door wide open. Eventually the other two will find their way into the house, but not before a fly or moth gets in first.

My boys could drive an efficiency expert to drink. I have tried everything to stop this insanity, but nothing seems to work. Dr. Phil always says that you get some sort of payoff for your behavior. I have yet to figure out what the payoff is for my children. Maybe they are trying to see how far they can push me. Maybe they love to hear me shriek. Maybe they are waiting to see if my head will actually explode. I don't know. Should I mellow? Is it the end of the world if they miss the bus or if dinner is cold or it takes them two hours to get ready for bed? I could start the bedtime routine at 6:30, and I can call them up for dinner before it's actually on the table. I could even drive them to school if I had to. That might even cure them. Maybe if they see how inconvenienced they are by their own behavior they will begin to change it. That's it, that's my new plan. I'll let you know how it works out for me.